1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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