She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
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I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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