Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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