They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
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For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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