it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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