you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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