dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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