apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize