do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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