I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
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I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
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