A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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