Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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