I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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