Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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