I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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