Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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