Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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