Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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