I haven't been this sober since birth.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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