Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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