You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize