i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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