Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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