i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
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I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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