I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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