The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize