you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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