So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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