i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Houston, we have a squirter
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize