If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize