I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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