Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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