we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize