The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize