what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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