Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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