So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
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Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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