Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize