somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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