I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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