I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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