Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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