I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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