i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize