Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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