i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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