I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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