Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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