Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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