Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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